I was surprised to be called Friday to see if I might be able to substitute in Primary for the 11-12 year olds on Sunday. It seems that the teacher is not entirely dependable and would I be a back up? I was given the information on the Church site to get the lesson materials and began to prepare. This is not a remarkable occurrence. I am sure it happens thousands of times each week in the church. The surprise is that I haven’t had a calling in the church for months. My husband and I are no longer young and he was not so recently released from a “high profile” calling in which he had served a very long time. To compound that situation we, realizing our home and acreage were getting to be too big of a responsibility, put our place up for sale. So we were not asked to serve. These days when houses aren’t selling, we could be here a very long time. The thing is I have become accustomed to not serving, to not preparing, to not asking for guidance to touch someone’s spirit. As I began to go through my usual approach to prepare I realized that I was out of the habit. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through the work it takes me to instruct others. I have become comfortable not doing anything. It is easy to not worry. It is also easy to be bored, critical and uncomfortable in meetings where there is no investment. I hear folks say that it would be great to take a vacation from serving and I know some would say “why complain”? On the other hand when you live in world where a common conversation opening is “So what are you doing in the Church now?” we who do not serve are an anomaly. I miss the prayers for inspiration. I miss the dedicated study. I miss that feeling of raw spirit when some thought or idea is sanctioned by the Savior. I have also grown comfortable not worrying. I still visit teach, call the sick and sad, study, pray and only occasionally swear, but the shear involvement of purpose in the Lord’s errand is not mine anymore.