Britney as Cultural Harbinger
Britney Spears was recently voted the most annoying person of 2006 by Star Magazine. Most of this was a combination of her bad parenting and wild partying. I’m not the one you would normally find defending such a person, but perhaps there is something to be said for her, and it should give a broader warning.
It was my wife who first got me thinking about it (Clue here–listen to your wife when its about women.). She said she could actually understand a bit–not that she condoned the woman’s recklessness and immorality, just that she understood the loss of perspective. The extenuating circumstance in this instance is that this woman had two children almost precisely a year apart. That means she had spent a lot of time pregnant and a lot of time with babies. My wife’s point was that even having our children three years apart, there were times when she just wanted to get out and go. Britney had to be going absolutely nuts.
From there, it made sense to me that here we have a woman taught that children were important (a true thing), that kids are wonderful things, perhaps (a true thing), maybe even that kids give meaning to life (a true thing). She may also not have been told (I never was) that kids are difficult, that they are mentally and physically exhausting, that depression is probably more common than baby bliss (of the sort we see in Lady and the Tramp, for instance), that they only give meaning to life if there was some meaning to build on–they aren’t a good way to find yourself if you don’t know who you are.
So here we have a woman experiencing two children, with all that entails, but also with enough money to hire a small army of nannies and hit the town hard. Should we wonder that she snapped somewhere along the way?
So what’s the lesson? I’ve always been an advocate of letting people know marriage is hard and is a serious decision to be taken seriously with a lot of thought–not because it should be put off, but because that think time can prepare you for the realities of marriage. I think there is a growing sense in the church that we should do this. Kids, however, seem to be another matter. There seems to be the thought that any delay is a bad one–that kids are unmediated joy. They are joy, yes, but mediated in a big way.
No one told me that when I had kids I would be a zombie for quite some time because my relationship to sleep would change significantly, or that my wife’s world would change drastically, and thus our relationship would change–not a bad change, but a change. Maybe people thought I wouldn’t have kids if they told me, but I think if we knew this, it would have been easier for us–just in terms of bracing ourselves. For those young couples for whom kids just seem like the next step and it will just take care of itself, I think frank talk might be a great way to get them to think about the significance. I will certainly teach my daughter about the importance of motherhood, but I will also teach her it is one of the hardest things she will ever do. I will have faith, from there, that she will have the wisdom to see it’s worth the hard work.
Britney might seem like a fringe case, but I’m a big believer that popular culture is produced by impulses that run deep in our society. I think there are a lot of people out there who think of kids as a way of finding themselves or solving some problem. Britney just has enough money to be dangerous.
They are joy, yes, but mediated in a big way.
That is a classic line. I actually agree with you that most people in similar circumstances (i.e., with similar financial resources) would have done something similar (esp., considering the divorce). That doesn’t change that she was still acting stupid, but compassion is a very important attribute.
Comment by J. Stapley — 1/12/2007 @ 12:07 pm
I agree with all your points about marriage, children, and frank talk. I try not to know about Britney.
Comment by Jacob — 1/14/2007 @ 3:48 am
I’m a big believer that popular culture is produced by impulses that run deep in our society. I think there are a lot of people out there who think of kids as a way of finding themselves or solving some problem.
Same could be said about celebrities and their motives for international adoption.
Having kids is a HUGE responsibility that many young couples do take lightly. I know several people who had children to “fix” their marriage (and ended up divorced). I hate hearing about Britney Spears, too (in fact, I’m sick and tired of her), but I thank you for your perspective. As a mother of almost four, I can say I’ve seen my own fair share of “meltdowns” (not the kids –ME!).
Comment by cheryl — 1/14/2007 @ 6:31 pm
I agree with Cheryl. Yes kids are demanding and can make you feel like going crazy but they are a huge responsibility. This also makes me realize the importance of husbands supporting their wives and women supporting eachother and being good influences. There is nothing wrong with leaving your kids with some one to go on a date or out with friends or just by your self. But Britney Spears goes way too far.
Comment by Melissa — 1/14/2007 @ 8:10 pm
Melissa,
I guess that’s part of the problem as well. Mothers with little or no support system. Can you imagine leaving the kids with Paris? Of course not. I think there are probably lots of people in that position as well. We have such a mobile society that there’s less of a sense of community and less really menaingful realtionships in the world, I think. Family, especially gets spread out. I know we sure miss grandparents.
Cheryl,
I think the international adoption thing also comes from a current sense that kids, in themselves aren’t quite a worthy enough cause. People have lost the sense that children are valuable investments, so they take the trendy step of interantaional adoption so that it looks like they are helping international poverty. A good goal, but one with other solutions.
Comment by Steve H — 1/14/2007 @ 11:52 pm
I’m not sure I agree with your defense of Spears, but I certainly agree with your comments on children. Those folks who have kids while at college amaze me. That just can’t be good for ones studies. I think a bit more honesty to our youth about this would be wise. It certainly is a lot of hard work.
The other problem is that some folks have it easier than others and there is always that danger of assuming everyone has it so easy. (Or vice versa – those struggling assuming everyone does)
Comment by Clark Goble — 1/15/2007 @ 12:44 pm
Aren’t Britney’s kids being raised by nannies, anyway?
Comment by Susan M — 1/15/2007 @ 1:00 pm
Clark, I had my first child while finishing up my undergraduate studies, my second my 3rd year of law school.
My grades in law school were passable, but never very good. But I think I would have done just as poorly with or without children. It ultimately made little difference one way or the other.
But the children did keep things firmly in perspective for me. I never felt even the slightest inclination to overachieve in the empty pursuit of the status prizes that law school and the legal profession offer. I have some classmates who sought out those honors and simply couldn’t understand why I was nuts enough to be having kids at that point in my life.
Now they aren’t happy in their work. I shortchanged my work in favor of my family. I am happy with what I’m doing. And I have had the sacred privilege of being a very integral part of my children’s growing-up years. Believe it or not, lawschool was probably the best three years of my marriage, and my wife will back me up.
First things first Clark. And work is never first in my book.
Comment by Seth R. — 3/23/2007 @ 4:56 pm