Metrodoxy: Habits of Successful Heterodoxy
There is a persistent meme in the bloggernacle that chronicles the social dysfunction of the heterodox within the church. I, myself, am rather heterodox; however, I seem to enjoy full fellowship in the kingdom. So gather ‘round. The time has come to share three simple rules, that you too can enjoy the fullness of our community. (Streaming audio training seminars are $25.00 and come with free Ginsu knife!)
1. Embrace Your Inner Ortho
Don’t be an orthophobe. A good metrodox will always balance their heterodoxy with readily apparent strains of orthodoxy. Find a doctrine or two that you can fully engage and expound upon regularly. If you are going to drink Diet Coke, wear a dark suit and white shirt to Church. If you have a beard, frequently bare your testimony of the evils of caffeinated sodas. If you are a democrat, don’t let your children date until they are eighteen. This will confuse the orthodox – most likely, they will let you in their circle as a staunch defender of orthopraxis despite your aberrant quirks.
2. Say “No” to the Ghetto
Do not relegate yourself to the overflow of the proverbial ward house. Invite orthodox members to your house for meals (high councilors and ward leaders are especially desirable dinner guests). Orthodox folks sometimes believe that heterodox are antisocial, narcissistic, self-important. Give them the opportunity to see how enjoyable you really are. If you truly are antisocial, narcissistic, and/or self important, skip this rule.
3. Show Them that You Love Them (Serve, Serve, Serve)
If you love those in your ward and everyone knows it, they will stand by you. Bonds of love and trust are born of service and sacrifice. After such bonds exist, when someone in the Ward quotes from Mormon Doctrine inappropriately, with a smile on your face and a twinkle in your eye you can challenge without impunity or offense.
Please send two UPC coupons and a check for $7.99 to receive you personalized goal setting paraphernalia.
J,
Is that the only reason you invited me over? Because I’m orthodox enough to keep you on the in? And I thought you were my friend. Where’s the love?;)
Comment by S. Hancock — 5/30/2005 @ 1:57 am
Clever, funny, and wise.
Comment by Christian Y. Cardall (TSM) — 5/30/2005 @ 7:15 am
If you love those in your ward and everyone knows it, they will stand by you. Bonds of love and trust are born of service and sacrifice
Nicely said.
Comment by Stephen M (Ethesis) — 5/30/2005 @ 10:00 am
J., you seem to be making a case for limited heterodoxy. Compared to full heterodoxy, the limited sort is certainly more compatible with activity in the Church. Compared to full orthodoxy, limited heterodoxy offers … well, the convenient and hopefully accurate notion that one can think outside the Mormon box without falling off a cliff. I think it’s an idea worth exploring further.
Comment by Dave — 5/30/2005 @ 10:44 am
How can I tell if I’m orthodox or heterodox J? I always thought I was orthodox and then you and a few others tell me I’m heterodox. If you are heterodox and you end up being more doctrinally orthodox than me what does that mean?? (If I can find several 19th century leaders to back my opinions am I still heterodox? 😉 ) Oh well. I guess when it it comes to being unorthodox in the Church ignorance of that fact really is bliss…
BTW — You are orthdox, J. Willingness to think (and even have an opinion) about doctrine is unusual these days but I am unwilling to call it heterodox
Comment by Geoff J — 5/30/2005 @ 1:56 pm
Steve…true it is. And what did I get for it? Your calling. Nice.
Geoff – I tend to think that if it is unusual than by definition it may be heterodox.
Comment by J. Stapley — 5/30/2005 @ 4:05 pm
Where do I send the money to? And which UPC symbols?
Btw, don’t tell my wife that I’m metrodox. She tends to jealous rages…and doesn’t understand my beard, wearing sandals to church still retain frighteningly ortho beliefs and opinions while doing #2-3 above.
🙂
Comment by lyle stamps — 6/2/2005 @ 3:04 pm
I’d been thinking about this when you posted. The potential dangers for some of us are greater than others.
Hence, I’ve decided I need to particpate enthusiastically, always sit in the front row, do home teaching promptly, and read all the lessons ahead of time.
Comment by Ben S. — 6/2/2005 @ 6:12 pm
Laughing out loud, Ben S. Laughing out loud…
Comment by J. Stapley — 6/2/2005 @ 11:30 pm
A friend gave me the link to this website. This is the most precious and accurate analysis boiled into three categories (with allowance of varying degrees of those 3 categories). You might want to explore three subcategories of the three main doxys.
I embrace the ghetto. The ghetto allows a full view of the folks mentioned in #3. You can love and serve in excess after musing from the hood.
Overall, a hearty Amen.
Comment by Erika — 6/3/2005 @ 12:03 am
For those of us who may one day have a job at that one place, being perceived as “unorthodox” or “disloyal” is the kiss of death (setting aside the fact that the definition of those terms is relative and fuzzy.) However, near-ostentatious orthopraxy (which I myself don’t have a problem doing as described above) covers a multitude of “evils.” In my own mind, I’m 99% orthodox.
Comment by Ben S. — 6/3/2005 @ 12:02 pm
I just don’t want to risk the perception of being not-orthodox.
Comment by Ben S. — 6/3/2005 @ 12:03 pm
If you want to find out how orthodox you are, or not, there is a fun test to take at:
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=15145961900538302649*
Comment by John W. Redelfs — 6/5/2005 @ 4:38 am
Thank John, I’m a “Perfect Mormon”…wohoo!
Comment by J. Stapley — 6/5/2005 @ 9:55 am
I’m a perfect Mormon too. About time someone acknowledged it.
Also, you’re welcome, J.
Comment by John C. — 6/5/2005 @ 8:30 pm
What? I thought I was the only one that tok that test and came out perfect! I guess they put a premium on metrodoxy…
Comment by Geoff J — 6/5/2005 @ 10:56 pm
Wait a minute. If you read your Sunday lessons ahead and shun the overflow, shave regularly and don’t wear sandels, sisters always wear nylons. You become in danger of becoming part of the dreaded ultradox group.
These are they who refuse to say amen unless the prayer is given in the proper prayer language.
These are they who are ready with a pertinent and pointed comment in case someone slips and says “free” agency in a lesson or response.
These are also they who begin to sweat profusely in testimony meeting if one closes their testimony in the name of “Thy Son” and have been known to rise majestically to the podium with a very loquacious ofering with the proper closure.
These folks aspire to the calling that would give them the power to have the deacons always lined up in order of heigth, wearing matching ties and leading with the right foot.
They also desire that all publications, announcements, bulletin or programs list their full names including the middle, or first initial.
Comment by jns — 6/6/2005 @ 11:39 am
Ahhh….yes. The Ultradox! Weilders of the true order of the sacrement. We must not leave them out.
Comment by J. Stapley — 6/6/2005 @ 12:13 pm
Interesting link and pretty accurate.
Easy-going Mormon
4 Orthodoxy, 2 LDS knowledge, -8 Cultural homogeneity
——————————————————————————–
Orthodoxy ranges from (-) anti-, non- and liberal Mormon, to mainstream, conservative, and fundamentalist Mormon (+).
Mormonism’s your faith, but you don’t get too uptight about things like wearing only starched white shirts, or knowing that Nephi said “blah blah blah.” Most of your peers find you exceptionally normal, and you think that’s a good thing. In the world, as long as you’re not of the world, right?
It takes all kinds. I was born like this. I will probably die like this. Is this truly tolerated though?
Comment by Erika — 6/6/2005 @ 9:30 pm