10 Years Later – the Music of Exile
Splendid Sun is a decade old. As I looked back this week on the music that I produced 10 years ago, I realized something that I didn’t then – this music is Mormon. I tended to write a lot about change (read repentance) and being outside because of it. I think that these ideas play into the overall theme of Exile. Without making a complete tool out of myself by attempting to do something I have not the training to do, I will simply say that I believe that the idea of Exile is at the core of what it means to be Mormon.
I have chosen two pieces that highlight this theme. The first is untitled. I recorded it in a Home studio the week before I left on my mission. It is less than 5 minutes and is about 8 Mb. I played all the instruments and sang, taking the first cut of each track.
The second is entitled Change and is from the Splendid Sun self titled debut. I wrote it and played lead guitar. It too is less than 5 minutes and is about 4 Mb. We also took the first take of its track.
Below are the lyrics. Click on the titles for the mp3s.
I finally found him.
I professed the joy of being free.I shook his hand I kissed him.
I wanted him to stand with me.He longed to come with me,
but shook his head and cracked a smileHe sat me down to supper
And explained that it’s been to long a whileI love him.
He’s gone awayWe spoke of hope
and reminisced for a little whileTalked of joy and peace and love.
Enjoyed a time…a time of trialI love him.
He’s gone awayI never questioned why I tried.
I didn’t look back
I heard him weep as I walked away.The taste was still fresh,
The time though, it did not stay.I love him.
He’s gone awayI never questioned why I tried.
I’ve wasted half my lifetime
playing songs of yesterday.
I’ve watched the sun rise and kids play.
I hear them say…Chorus
I’ve wandered hungry and dazed
And they’re still happily the same.
I’ve learned to love to feel pain
Yes they’re still happily the same.I’ve spent the last year just thinking
of what I’d do when I return.
They stay and foster the moment.
I watch and learn.Chorus
Face the facts, now, you are not a child.
Sit alone and watch the rising tide.
The rolling water’s rising won’t subside.
In my arms you’re welcome, you can cry.I walked among them in shadows –
my wetted feet, oh so cold.
But I long embrace the horizon –
am I that old?Chorus
Be kind.
UPDATE
I forgot to disclose that my ideas about exile were first formed in conversations with Steve. Even though I didn’t really explain what they are, I thought I should mention it.
Wow. I found your music intriguing. Honestly it took me back to Berkeley, Ca. I felt like I was in a club there listening to one of the bands I use to listen years ago. I kept trying to think of words to describe the feelings your music brought out in me. Edgy: There is a degree of bite to the sound. It is not harsh, but certainly not soothing or peaceful. Remorseful: I think this best describes the lyrics to me. Probably someone in pain who is not completely overcome with his emotion, but beneath the surface that everyone sees there lies within the lyrics a degree of tension between two worlds–A world moving forward, but an eye glancing backward over the shoulder at what was or use to be.
Eeh, that’s enough psychobabble for one comment. Good of you to be willing to expose your soul to the rest of us. Is there a link to listen to some more of your music?
Comment by Mark — 3/18/2005 @ 12:13 am
I like the second song. As Mark mentioned they both have a Berkely acid rock circa the ’60s flavor to them — though it also sounds 90s grunge-ish too. How were the album sales? (Do you still have boxes on boxes of CDs around like most of us former rockers do?)
Comment by Geoff Johnston — 3/18/2005 @ 2:31 am
Thanks Mark and Geoff. I wasn’t quite sure whether I should have posted this – very personal. I do think that the emotional tension in change is an integral part to the Mormon narrative. Whether it is going on a mission, crossing the plains (or the Atlantic), converting or repenting, we look forward with hope (even though it is often painful). The sum of our change is tantamount to Exile, we become outsiders because of what we do.
As for the music, there really isn’t a place to find it around. I’ve heard that you can find the album in used music stores in Provo. I have a couple personal recordings as well. We recorded the Album during finals week and then I bolted for my mission. They got a replacement guitarist, but I had invested so much of myself into the music, I think it just fell apart after I left.
Comment by J. Stapley — 3/18/2005 @ 12:08 pm
This is actually the first time I’ve hard Splendid Sun. Carrie and I were impressed. I think that the exile is certainly important. The context for the discussion, I thik is Said, though I don’t think you really need to read him to understand it. We remove ourselves from the world in order to become something else. At times, we even remove ourselves from other members of the church because we are striving to understand things that are difficult to understand. The practice hopefully takes us beyond easily available communal knowledge at times–when it is productive. Because we are willing to get beyond comfortable knowledge at times, we are able to learn what God wants to teach us. And yet the process can also be alienating at the same moments when it is most enriching because God is not going to teach everyone the same things. the prophet Joseph apparently felt that no-one could understand him because they could not understand the knowledge he had gained. I’m not suggesting that I am nearing the prophet Joseph, only that when we do gain spiritual knowledge, it may be hard to communicate, which becomes a problem not only in terms of our own isolation, but also in terms of our ability to help others with whatever knowledge we’ve gained. I think the key is 50: 17-23. We need to learn by the spirit and then seek to reach out with the spirit. I think that’s what makes the difference between isolation and Zion, fellowship in the household of God. Isolation, however, can be a step on the way and one that we may have to make more than once. Perhaps there will come a day when we are all united and need no longer feel isolated. In the meantime, we have these cycles of isolation and reaching out for connection.
Comment by S. Hancock — 3/18/2005 @ 8:10 pm
Steve…wow. That is definately worthy of a post in and of itself. Thank you for giving me a voice.
Comment by J. Stapley — 3/18/2005 @ 8:28 pm
J.
I just played your songs and my two boys were dancing to them. I don’t know whether that’s good or bad…!
Comment by Ronan — 3/29/2005 @ 7:47 am
A lot of talent, Jonathan. Writing, singing, playing all those instruments. Well done.
Comment by Kim Siever — 3/29/2005 @ 12:05 pm
Thank you.
Comment by J. Stapley — 3/29/2005 @ 12:37 pm
I forgot (until I saw the Bloggernacle Times mention) that I too wanted to say thanks for sharing these. Cool stuff. And you had to be brave to share such a real part of yourself. You and Steve must have had some interesting conversations about exile.
Comment by Heather P. — 3/30/2005 @ 2:03 am